Just asking.

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I was hoping this would be a weekend to relax, but, i was wrong. I'm still busy. My baby never gave me a chance to sleep last night and to just even let me nap for few minutes. Oh well, I still enjoy taking care of him although there are just times that I'm really just tired.

There are times that i had to leave my kids to my mom. And i know most of moms did or still doing it to their mother's now. I'm not very proud of it because i was supposed to be the one to take care of my children and not anyone else. My mom loves my children but she kind of, i mean she can't stand taking care of them for just 30 minutes. She can take care of my kids if there is no choice, or no one else was around to take care of them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry with my mother. I love her. It's just that ever since i was young, My parents has no choice but to leave me to my grandparents because they need to work. I uses to think why they didn't really tried to get me to my grandparents and they just let me grew up with them,. My feelings weren't very close to my mom and dad because of this. But i swear to GOd, I tried my best to get close to them since I returned to them in high school.

Up to know i still feel there's a wall between me and my mom, a wall that i keep trying to reach the top so i can cross over, but my mother doesn't tried hard to let me cross. She;s very generous, but to express her love to me, maybe not very well. Well, did i say i'm not angry? Well, yes, i'm not. I just want to let my feelings out because, We're OK but i don't know. Maybe it's just me. or maybe i'm right. (sigh)Why is she like that?